Well, it's been more than a week since my second surgery. I haven't posted because quite frankly, I was in a low spot all week. I don't know why I got so caught off guard emotionally, but it probably has to do with the fact that I thought I was going to go in, get out, and keep going back to normal. Wrong. I got knocked on my butt and I got frustrated that I was physically limited again.
Tuesday morning I hung out with Julia as much as I could before we had to go to the hospital. I was a little cranky because my report time was at 11:15 and I had to begin fasting at midnight. Anyone who knows me knows that I love my food, and to go that long without eating while awake was a daunting task for me! (First world problems, I know.) So Eric drove me to the hospital and I wore loose, comfortable clothing as instructed, and as we approached the hospital, I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. "I forgot my ID and insurance card!!" I shouted. I was so mad at myself! I felt like a kid who had forgotten his homework as he pulls up to the school. I told Eric to drop me off and called my mother-in-law to see if she could meet Eric half way. When I walked in, my dad was there waiting for me and we went to the check in counter where I explained my kerfuffle. She said, "Oh you don't have to send your husband back! Let's take a look." Apparently, I didn't truly need my ID and insurance card because they have it on record since I'm a regular. I called my mother-in-law and my dad called Eric so they both wouldn't get too far, and I was able to breathe!
After we waited for Eric to come back, I checked in and we went up to the surgery waiting room. They called me back and went through the normal routine. However, I found out that the hospital gown I was wearing can hook up to a hose where they blow hot or cold air into it! Bonus. Here's a picture of me blown up in my gown signing my consent forms.
Last surgery they gave me anesthesia before I was rolled into the OR, but this time I got pretty situated before they gave me the anesthesia. Because I was so nauseous afterwards, they gave me a little patch on the back of my ear to wear through the next day. When I got to the OR, I shifted myself onto the surgery table, stretched my arms out to the side, then placed an oxygen mask over my mouth and nose. The anesthesiologist said he was administering the anesthesia and that it would hurt a little at first as it went in. It hurt more than a little. But then I remember thinking, "Ok, here we go." And out I was.
When I woke up, all I can remember was I was already sitting up in a chair and they made me drink water and eat some Goldfish.
I was so out of it so the directions the nurse was giving me were not really sticking, but I just remembered her saying I had to wear the wrap around my stomach I was wearing and the surgical bra for a week, and to make a follow up appointment with Dr. P for next week.
The rest of the week was dreadful. I took off the wrap the following morning and saw what my body looked like. My stomach looked like a cliff: fat, and then a sharp drop off. "Oh great," I thought. "I got some fat taken out but it looks worse than if it was left in there." My waist is what hurts the most. I was bruised pretty badly, especially on my right side. My breasts were sore and bruised, but not too badly. Dr. P went in through the same incision and he just placed steri-strips on them. Here are a few photos of the aftermath.
Not amused.
Feeling gross, tired, nauseous, and blue. That's life I guess.
On Sunday, I finally broke down when my poor, unsuspecting neighbor asked why I didn't attend our block's lady's night. I told him I was just feeling down and wasn't really in a super social mood, and then I just started crying. I apologized, and I felt bad that I was crying because, as probably mentioned before, I feel like I shouldn't be. What do I have to complain about? I'm cancer free, I didn't have chemo or radiation, and I'm now done with surgeries for a while. But it's an emotional roller coaster, and this week I was in one of the dips.
I can feel that I'm on my way back up though. Returning to work on Monday I wasn't officially ready, but Tuesday I was so busy I didn't really have time to think about much of anything but work. Plus, I think just putting on clothes other than sweats, putting makeup on, and finally driving myself and leaving the house helped.
Then today I got a call from my nurse navigator, Jill. She asked how I was doing and explained that they had a new patient who was also younger and will be seeing Dr. G and Dr. P for a bilateral mastectomy. This lady is nervous about the surgery and has a lot of questions, and wants to talk to someone who has gone through it, but wants to talk to someone else who is also younger. Jill told me that both she and Dr. G thought of me and wanted to know if I would be willing to give my information so this lady can call me. I was so flattered that they thought of me and I of course agreed. I'm never happy to hear that someone else has been diagnosed, but it makes me happy to know that I can be there for someone and potentially be helpful in a bad situation. It made me think of the two ladies who really helped me out during this chapter, and I couldn't have done it without them. To speak to someone in my age group who also went through it was invaluable. I will always be willing to be a listening ear when it comes to this, or any situation.
While this week has been a lower point, I feel confident that I am clicking my way up.
