I am a mess. For reasons I can't explain, I can't seem to get out of this slump lately. Ever since I got home tonight I've been crying off and on. The only reason I can muster up as to why, is that I started work on Monday. I was surprised because work usually makes me feel better. But I think that now that I'm starting my "normal" life again, I've been reflecting a lot on the last two months.
Because this process went by so quickly, I was in such a focused, decision making, get your ducks in a row mindset, that I didn't have time to emotionally process things as much as I normally would have. The funny thing is that I know I'm cancer free, so I should be rejoicing! But I'm not. I'm sitting here eating cheesecake feeling sorry for myself.
While feeling sorry for myself and shoveling another bite of cherry topped cheesecake, I was looking at the trending items on Facebook earlier and saw that Sandra Lee has been diagnosed with breast cancer. First of all, I love Sandra Lee! She has always been one of my favorite TV chefs because I felt like she was realistic about her expectations of me. I'm not going to go out and harvest the 16 different ingredients from my garden needed in a recipe to make a pasta dish. Sandra is all about using a balance of fresh ingredients and store bought ingredients to make a realistically quick, easy, and delicious meal. She gets me.
So when I saw that she was diagnosed with breast cancer I of course felt for her. Then I watched her interview with Robin Roberts on Good Morning America. I had tears streaming down my face because I could relate to everything she was saying. Then, at the end, she mentioned women in their 20's and 30's and I couldn't help but nod and think, "Yes, Sandra! Exactly!" I highly recommend watching the video, but if you don't, she mainly talks about her own path and story, and then ends with advocacy of getting screened.
Like many things in our world, certain processes are imperfect. Dr. G once explained to me that mammograms aren't very effective in women under 40. This is because younger, premenopausal women have fattier breast tissue. That breast tissue in a mammogram shows up as white. Incidentally, cancer also shows up as white on a mammogram. So you're basically looking for white on white. Thus, not very effective. (For a more thorough explanation, read this explanation from the Dr. Susan Love Research Foundation.) When I looked at my own mammogram, Dr. G had zoomed in and I was shocked that they were even able to detect anything because, even zoomed in, I had a difficult time seeing what she was pointing out. (I'm thankful that my team and the technicians are excellent at what they do.)
So I understand why it isn't pushed for mammograms under 40. But, the question then becomes: What are we going to do about it? Yes, there are far fewer cases of breast cancer diagnosis for women under the age of 40, but they are still out there. I'm one of them. Each one of those diagnosis is a life. By not having a set plan in place, the message that I hear being sent is, "Well, we don't really have an answer. You can get screened, but I don't know if it will help. If you find a lump, go ahead and get it checked out. Good luck, though."
A more effective screening system needs to be in place, and it also needs to be covered by insurance. (That's for another post). In the meantime, women, of any age, and men who love women (their mother, sister, wife, friend, cousin, etc.) need to know what the symptoms of breast cancer are. I always hear the word "lump" as if that is the only tell tale sign of breast cancer. It's not. I never had a lump. I did, however, have bloody discharge. But I feel like other symptoms aren't as well known, and that needs to be more publicized. Here is a great source for symptoms to look for.
A lot of those symptoms I look at and think, "Wow, you really need to be familiar with your breasts in a healthy state in order to really even notice any of those." And it's true. Women need to get to know their breasts and be aware of any changes, and if any changes start happening and they become noticeable, it is our own job to get it checked out. I always say, what's the worst that could happen? They say, "No, you're fine," and maybe you leave slightly embarrassed because you felt like you overreacted. But I don't care. Feel embarrassed. I would rather a little embarrassment and an hour of your day taken up to see a doctor to make sure you're advocating for yourself. Who else is going to if not you?
I feel like this is my next mission. To help find better screenings, to push women to take charge of their own bodies, and to follow through with any symptoms. I have a lot of research to do, but every chapter has a beginning. Maybe this is my next chapter. In the meantime, I'll try to dry those tears.
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