Blessings

I feel like I've been a Debbie Downer lately, so I wanted to highlight some of the positive things that have emerged from all of this.

1. The Outpouring of Love
I mean, where do I begin?  Without getting TOO gushy, the people in my life are rock stars.  I feel like I am one of the luckiest people on the planet, based alone on the people I'm surrounded with.  From my immediate family, extended family, friends from all various walks of life, my amazing co-workers/work family, to Julia's teachers.  I have received nothing but support, understanding, prayers, notes of encouragement, meals, and much, much more.  Every day I am humbled and touched by how amazing people are, and I am nothing less than eternally grateful. 

I created a wall of all the notes, cards, and encouragement I've received.

One of my staff arranged for people to surprise me every week to make me smile. That alone is amazing. This week the surprise was a private concert! She sang "I Wanna be Like You" from the Jungle Book, and a spiritual song called "The Storm is Passing Over."

2. My Relationship with Julia
Julia and I have always had a close relationship, as I would hope and assume most mother/daughter relationships by the age of three would be.  However, my goal has always been to have such a sense of trust and honesty between us both, that by the time she's a pre-teen/teenager, she will be comfortable to talk to me about anything, and it won't have to be uncomfortable.  That is my goal.  I want to be a resource to her and someone she can truly and comfortably turn to.  (Do not mistake this for me wanting to be her friend.  I don't.  I have many friends (see above), and I am her mother first.  Maybe when she's 21 we can be friends.)  But with us going through this journey together, I feel like our relationship has deepened because we're having to deal with harder things that most mother/daughters at this stage would encounter.  She is such a trooper, so inquisitive, and so loving.  I'm getting misty eyed as I write just thinking about her sweet disposition and her unending curiosity.  She has many, many questions, and I always try to answer her with as much honesty as I possibly can.  I feel my ultimate goal is reachable, as I feel the foundation is already being poured for a continued relationship of trust and dependability. 

Feeling nasty, but nothing like a grilled cheese sandwich picnic in bed!

3. My Trust in the Lord
I have been tested to the brink with this.  I have always said I trust in God to do what's best, to not worry, and have faith that everything is in His hands.  Words are great.  Actions are another story.  I've recognized that while I truly do believe all of that, I wasn't/haven't been putting complete trust in Him.  I'm a control freak.  I like a plan.  I like to know what's coming.  I like being productive and active.  All of that has gone out the window.  I feel like I should have learned my lesson the first time around, and I did a little, but obviously not enough.  I feel like this journey is such a test, and is forcing me to practice trusting FULLY in God, and also being ok with it.  I came across this prayer, and have taped it on my wall over my computer at work as a daily reminder. 

4. My Morning Routine
Having no hair anywhere is great!  When I shower, I put a drop of conditioner on my hands and rub that on my scalp to keep it moisturized.  I don't shave my legs, and my legs have never been smoother!  Sometimes I rub them together like a grasshopper in awe of the smoothness!  Then my time to blow dry my hair is replaced with coordinating a scarf to go with what I'm wearing, and the time it takes to tie it is probably about a minute. 

Smooth as a baby's bottom!

So there you have it.  Four legit, positive outcomes of a cancer diagnosis.  Fight on!