Scared

Today is Mother's Day.  I love being a mother, and I hit the jackpot when it comes to who God blessed me with for a daughter.  Lately I feel her being so protective of me.  In fact today, I was taking a nap on the couch and I mentioned I was cold.  As I drifted off again, she went upstairs, into my closet, fished out a sweatshirt I had worn the night before, brought it down for me and said, "Here mommy."  She's also so grateful and it astounds me that at 3.5 she makes me feel so appreciated.  This morning we went to Meijer, and when we got into the car she said, "Thank you, mommy.  Thank you for buying me fruit snacks."  That kind of statement is not abnormal.  Every day she thanks me for something that I feel is every day life and that any mother would do for her daughter.  But I have to say, it feels good to be appreciated. 

We had a lovely day today, filled with breakfast in bed, my mom coming over, barbequing, making our own ice cream, and bubbles.  All of it was wonderful.  I should have been in a better mood, but I was on edge all day.  When I took a moment to think about it, I realized how nervous I am about tomorrow, my third chemo session.  Especially after what happened last time, I just don't know what to expect any more.  I know it's only been twice, but neither session looked like the other, so it's hard for me to feel any comfort in the repetition. 

I also hear people telling me I'm halfway through a lot.  I know they're trying to be encouraging, but I'm totally dragging.  Even on this past good week, I've been discouraged.  My muscles ache after going up a flight of stairs as if I just did a 45 min. step class, and I've noticed a few spots on my hands where my skin is peeling.  I'm struggling.  I feel like I'm running a marathon, and I'm tired, hurting, and just want to walk and go home.  But I know I have to keep moving those feet and I hate it.  Here's to praying for an uneventful day and week to follow. 

Chasing bubbles