Night Before

This past week has been so positively overwhelming.  I am so touched by how many people have rallied behind me, offered their talents, and shown their support in so many various ways. 

First, on Tuesday, I had my photos taken by a friend of mine because I wanted to document how I looked prior to having a mastectomy and reconstructive surgery.  We were both very much on the same page as to what the feel would be, which was artistic, not sexy.  We did three versions: bra and underwear, jeans and bra with me holding Julia, and then just jeans but with me strategically holding myself so not too much was exposed.  By the end of the shoot, both of us were in tears.  He sent me the photos on Saturday and I was blown away with how great his talents are.  I loved how he used lighting, and my plan is to print them in a photo book.  I am so grateful for his willingness to do this for me, and I will treasure these photos forever.

Here's a photo from his vision board.  We got a few shots that look like this, but I am obviously not a model.  If anyone is curious to see the actual photos, feel free to contact me. 

 

 On Saturday, my cousin's wife, Vanessa, and her aunt offered to come to my mom's house to do facials and massages for my mom, aunt, cousin, and I.  It was so much fun!  When I first met Vanessa's aunt, she said, "Who's the one that..." and sort of trailed off.  I said, "I'm the cancer patient!"  We all laughed because I know it can be awkward for people at times, but sometimes you have to just say it like it is.  It was great to just relax and enjoy ourselves though.  We also had a moment of immense laughter, (thanks to one of my verbal blunders) and I laughed so hard I cried.  It was so nice to feel that! 

 



 

Tonight I spent time with Julia as we ate our dinner.  She laughed and we joked around as we ate, and I let her have a cupcake for dessert.  I gave her a bath and I watched her splash around and squeal in delight, and then we dried off and I read her a few books.  Before I put her in her crib, I said to her, "Julia, Mommy won't see you for a few days.  I have to go bye-bye because Mommy is sick and has to get better.  When I get home I won't be able to hold you, but I love you very much and I will try to do everything I can to be with you and love you."  Call me crazy, but I felt like she was understanding me.  We kissed and then she planted her head on my chest and snuggled in against me.  I kissed her on the top of her head, and I was happy. 

 

Now I sit, reflecting upon how many people have done so many great things, shared such encouraging words, and lifted me up in their prayers.  Sunday I was grateful enough to be surrounded by so many great folks, and today at work I was given a journal with everyone's kind words and favorite Bible verses.  I am so grateful for everyone in my life, and it makes me think that I have made some pretty good choices in the people I surround myself with.  It is all pretty remarkable to me.  As I was driving to work I kept thinking of an analogy for my support system, and the first image that came to mind was a trampoline.  Each person in my life is like a thread, and each of those threads are woven together so tightly, and they have all come together to make sure I bounce back. 

 

The question I have been asked a lot today is, "How are you feeling?"  The answer is: sad, but ready for battle.  I keep thinking of action movies where there is some sort of sad occurrence, and the character mourns, and then all of a sudden they turn around and have that stone cold face on them, and you know they are ready to go to battle.  That's how I'm feeling today.  Sad and mourning, but tomorrow I know it's go time, and I need to put my game face on, and the players are me versus cancer.  So...tonight I mourn...tomorrow I go to battle.