Physically... it's odd. The main area of pain is in and around my armpits. That's mainly because a lot of the nerve endings end there. As I run my fingers down my neck, the further I reach my breast, the less feeling I have. Towards the top I can still feel my skin, and it feels tight and plump. Then as I reach the area closer to my stitches, I feel less sensation. It's almost like the feeling you have when your leg falls asleep. You know your leg is there, and you can kind of feel it, but not really. Also, there is no "pins and needles" sensation. It's just a muted touch. In fact, I was trying to lay on my side, and as I was pulling my blanket up, I was touching something and thinking, "What is that?" I soon realized, "Oh...it's my breast. Whoops."
My chest also feels quite tight. At times I feel suffocated and I just want to grab a knife and cut them out so I can breathe. I feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest, and there's nothing I can do about it.
It also hurts to really pull my shoulders back and have good posture, so I find myself with rounded shoulders and slouching often, mainly because I think subconsciously I'm trying to compensate for that feeling of tightness. As a result, my neck and shoulders are quite sore. Sometimes I try to lie on my back flat on the floor, and it hurts, but in a good way. I can feel everything stretching, but when it comes time to sit back up, I look like a turtle lying on it's shell, struggling to turn right side up.
Or maybe like this guy...
I'm sick of being propped up by pillows when I sleep and I just can't seem to get comfortable in any position. I'm quite frustrated.
However, every day I feel like my range of motion increases a bit. I try to put a little more weight on my shoulders every day so I can do the things I normally do: Putting cereal away on the top shelf of the pantry, using my arms to get up from the floor, and of course, picking up my sweet girl. I do notice progress and today I picked Julia up a few times from the floor onto my lap. I also took her from my dad for a few moments just to see if I could do it. I could do it, but it hurt, and I think I still may need a few more days. But, when I took that girl in my arms while standing, oooh boy did it feel good. I think she agreed because when I took her, she kissed me on the lips. That made my heart sing.
For some reason today, I just feel down in the dumps. I don't know if I'm just extra tired or what. I took a shower an hour ago for the first time in 2 days and it felt remarkable. But seeing myself in all my glory just made me feel sad. I feel like I'm gaining weight because I'm not moving around as much as I normally do, so the food doesn't have any choice but to settle. My face is also looking nasty because I'm not washing my face as often due to fewer showers, and (let's be real) laziness. And dressing in mainly yoga paints and sweatshirts doesn't really pump my self-esteem gauge very high. I guess it's just one of those nights.
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