A Sweet Conversation and Good News

I had been thinking and praying about having a conversation with Julia for a long time.  I felt bad not telling her everything, but she knew I had "ouchies" and that I couldn't pick her up.  So after that long Tuesday, I decided I had enough information to explain it to her.  I spoke to the social worker at the hospital to get some advice on how to approach it.  She said I could use the word cancer because it doesn't have a connotation yet with her.  She said to mainly focus on her world and how that may look the same or different, and to try not to overwhelm her. 

So after some praying, I made her favorite dinner (mac and cheese) and we sat down to talk.  This is how our conversation went:

M: Julia, do you remember my ouchies and how we didn't know if I was sick or not?
J: *Nods head*
M: Well, we found out I am sick.  You know how some people have a cold, or the flu? Well mommy has cancer.
J: Ok
M: So mommy will have to go to the doctors more.
J: *eyes welling up* Well, I don't want you to go to the doctors more.
M: I know, I don't either, but they will help me feel better.
J: But the doctors hurt you.
M: I know, it might seem like it hurts, but they are actually trying to make me feel better. 
J: Ok..
M: So sometimes I might not be able to put you to bed, or play, or pick you up when I don't feel well, but daddy will help and do it, ok?
J: Ok...
M: Ok, we love you. 
J: Ok...can I watch TV?
M: Yes.



My sweet angel face after our conversation.

She brought it up again when we put her to bed, and the next morning, so she's definitely processing.  We'll just have to take it day by day.

Yesterday I saw my plastic surgeon.  They wanted me to see him so that he could take a look and make his plan.  It was like seeing an old friend since I saw him so many times 2 years ago.  When I saw him I said, "Hey! It's been a while!" He said, "Yeah, I wish we were seeing each other under different circumstances."  He has 2 kids around Julia's age so we talked about our kids and how they're doing.  Then he asked me how work was going.  I told him it was rough given what's going on in the world.  Then we sat for a good 5-10 minutes talking about politics.  Then we talked about my breasts and surgery for about 2-3 minutes.  He was about ready to leave and put his hand on the door and said, "I'll see you soon, that is if we don't die in a nuclear war first." Then we talked politics for another 5 minutes.  I left liking him even more than before.

Later in the day, I received some great news.  Dr. G called me and said, "I have good news, and you deserve it.  Both the biopsies came back benign."  WAHOOO!!!  I get to keep my lymph nodes!!!  That is huge!!  Dr. G was so sweet, she said that all the doctors feel good about this, that we've done all the tests we can, and they need to get me in there or the cancer will start to grow.  She also said my nurse navigator Jill was on vacation (which I knew) and that she would be so happy to know the results so she was going to text her.  I love that they are close with each other and are also cheering me on.  I feel like I'm a boxer, my doctors and nurses are the coaches in the corner of the boxing ring, and all my friends and family are in the audience cheering me on. 

Today I got a call from the scheduler and my surgery date is March 10.  The only downside is that I have to do it at the Elmhurst hospital instead of my home of Edward.  Now I have this sense of unknown.  I'm so comfortable and at home at Edwards.  The good thing is it's an outpatient surgery, so I won't have to stay overnight, and the recovery is only 2-3 days.  A lot shorter than a month like last time!  I'm also glad it's on a Friday so that I don't have to burn as many sick days for work.  Gotta look at all the positives!

I'm liking this one step at a time philosophy.  I thought I'd have a harder time with it, but it's working for me.  It helps to not overwhelm me.  I'm thinking I should apply this idea to other areas in my life.