Genetic Test Results, More Waiting, and My Angel

Well, more good news!  I got a call from the genetics counselor and it turns out all my genetic testing came back normal!  So I don't have the Li Fraumeni Syndrome, which is a disorder that means I would have been susceptible to other various types of soft tissue cancers.  What a relief!  It feels good to just focus on this cancer battle now, instead of worrying about everything else.  The only minor negative thing that the genetic counselor mentioned was that with my tests coming back normal, it doesn't explain why I got breast cancer at such an early age.  It'd be nice to know the "why" behind it so as to prevent it from happening again, but maybe things don't always have a clear answer.  She did tell me that I should call every 2 years or so to keep up on new studies and findings.  This also means that radiation is now definitely a part of the treatment plan, because if I had Li Fraumeni Syndrome, I may not have had it.  So more pieces of the puzzle are coming together.

 

 

Yesterday was also so very nice.  My neighbor across the street was diagnosed literally a few days after I was.  She has a daughter in 5th grade that Julia ADORES.  It's a big old love fest with those two, which is great because since they are both only children.  I feel like they've adopted each other as siblings.  My neighbor had her lumpectomy on Tuesday, so Wednesday Julia and I brought dinner over, and the girls played upstairs while she and I talked.  We text nearly every day checking in with each other, but it was nice to just sit on the couch and talk in person.  We lifted our shirts and showed each other our wounds, talked about tests, treatment plans, our significant others and family members, and of course, our girls.  It was just lovely.  I would never wish this beast of a journey upon her, but I'm glad we have each other.  Please be praying for her and her daughter as well.

Finally, I got a call from Dr. G and she said that we'll have to wait about 2 weeks on the Oncotype test, which will tell us if I would benefit from chemotherapy or not.  So now I just wait, which of course is the hardest part, right?  I think for this one, this is hard for me because I love my plans.  I know that with chemo, there's a possibility that you can't be in public very much in order to lower your chances of getting sick from something else since your immune system is shot.  That bums me out.  My cousins are coming to visit from Arizona in May and we're trying to go to a Cubs game.  But now we're waiting to buy tickets in case I can't go.  I hate that we're waiting on the total number because of me.  I feel like the exciting parts of spring and summer are potentially being put on pause as I await these results. 



I WILL get there this year!

In Julia news, I am again, so grateful for her teachers.  I love that they continue to send me pictures and updates on how she's doing.  This morning was a rough go.  I think she's still adjusting to the time change, so she was not excited about getting up, and wanted to sleep more.  (I feel you, girl.)  I texted her teachers just to give them a heads up.  Today when I picked her up, her teachers said she was a little more clingy than usual (but that they were happy to give her hugs) and that she talked about me a lot. They said they were glad she's talking about it, and she's very matter-of-fact about it.

Later I asked what she said, and apparently she said that she loved me so much but that she was worried she was going to hurt my ouchie, so she was being "oh so gentle."  Another time she said, "My mom is sick you know, but she's going to be ok."  Cue tears. 

That makes my heart so deeply sad, but so deeply happy all at the same time.  I hate that at the tender age of three she is having to face this, and deal with the uncertainty of everything in a time that routine and stability is key.  I also hate that she has feelings of concern for the person that should be taking care of her, and she shouldn't wonder about whether that can be one hundred percent or not.

At the same time though, I am so unbelievably proud of her.  The fact that this girl is able to articulate her concerns and feelings about such a dynamic subject is amazing to me.  Her sense of empathy, courage, and strength leaves me in awe, and I can't help but think that if this is what she's like at the age of 3, I can't even imagine what kind of amazing woman she will turn out to be.  She is absolutely the purpose for my life.  God blessed me with this remarkably perfect angel, and I am forever grateful for her.  Thank you, Jesus.