Chemo It Is

Well, what I thought from the very beginning has been confirmed.  I'll be doing chemotherapy.  It's so crazy how all this works.  You spend so long waiting, and then you hear the news and then it's go time again. 

So basically this oncotype test evaluates the genes in your tumor and essentially exposes the "personality" of your cancer.  You receive a score that tells you where you fall on the spectrum of the likelihood of a recurrence and the benefit of chemo.  If you score 18 and under, your chance of recurrence is low and the benefits of chemo are low, so you wouldn't do it.  If you score over 30, the chance of recurrence is high and chemo would reduce that risk by 40%, so it's best to do it.  If you score in the middle, that's where it gets tricky.  In studies, there weren't many women that landed in the middle range, so there wasn't enough statistical data one way or the other to determine if it was beneficial or not.  That's where I scored.  I scored a 28. 

 

So chemo it is.  I'm young, this is the second time around, and he said it was a grade 3, which meant under the microscope my "cells were angry."  However, the chemo I'll be receiving is tolerable.  It's a combination of Taxotere and Cytoxan, or TC.  Dr. U said that there's really a multitude of side effects that could happen, all of which I can't even remember right now.  It's also tough because who knows if I'll experience all of them.  He did prescribe me 3 anti-nausea medications that I'm to take prior to my first session.

The other piece I have to do ahead of time is an injection one week ahead of time to essentially "turn off" my ovaries.  This chemo has a 20-30% chance to cause infertility, but I can receive an injection once a month to preserve my ovaries and prevent infertility from happening.  I also need to schedule a time to go to the wig boutique to choose a wig. 

I'll admit, there were a few tense moments.  He explained that there's a 0.2% chance of getting leukemia 8-10 years down the road from the chemo.  He said normally any side effect with that percentage he wouldn't even mention, but that he should.  Then my dad was visibly irritated, and said, well last time they said it was a 2% chance this would come back and here we are.  Dr. U explained that anything we do is all about eliminating risk.  That wearing a seatbelt doesn't mean you won't ever die in a car accident, but it reduces the risk. 

So then we had to plan the calendar. The main side effect is extreme fatigue 2-3 days after the treatment.  So I had to choose if I wanted to be tired during the week or during the weekend.  Initially I thought I would do it during the weekend so I didn't miss a lot of work.  But then as I sat there thinking of it, if I did that, the 2 main days I get with Julia would be diminished.  I also figured, if I'm tired on Thursday or Friday, Julia would be at school and away from it all most of the day, and there's always a chance I could work from home. 

He asked if I had any time I wanted to be good for, and I told him the week before Memorial Day weekend since my mom's whole family will be in town.  So we worked around that, and took into account that I'd do treatments on Tuesdays so I was good for the weekend.  So that landed us at April 4.  I will do four treatments 3 weeks apart. 

After that, I was off to pick up Julia.  We stopped at Meijer to drop off my prescriptions and pick up some bread for dinner.  As we drove home, she asked me about my health.  Our conversation went something like this:

J: Mommy, do you still have your ouchie?
M: Yeah
J: Are you still sick?
M: Yes
J: Oh, yeah.
M: Mommy has to go to the doctors to get more medicine.  It's going to make me lose all my hair ok?
J: Oh, your ouchie is going to make you lose your hair?
M: No, the medicine I have to take will make me lose my hair.  But the medicine will get rid of my ouchie.
J: Ooooh, but it will come back.
M: Yes, you're right, my hair will grow back.  So it will be very short, but it will get longer.
J: Yeah

I wasn't planning on telling her then, or this early, but I felt like she asked and it was a natural opening.  I also feel like the more I talk to her about it in a matter-of-fact way, maybe the better she will accept it.  I was talking to one of my best friends on the phone yesterday and told her I was most likely going to need chemo (at the time it wasn't confirmed yet) and she said, "How do you talk about this so calmly?" And I said, "Because this is just my life now.  You just do it and deal with it."  I feel like that's how Julia's dealing with it, too. 

I'm sure in the next few days I'll process some more, but for today I'm grateful I have a plan.  The waiting is over.  I have answers and a timeline.  For me, that means a lot.